LIVE FROM VEGAS — WITH AUNTIE SHARRON
By Auntie Sharron
Aloha Ladies and Gents:
There is an extreme problem with a new landlord on the southwest corner of Harmon and Paradise in Vegas. Rumor has it the liquor store across from Hard Rock is moving. The new landlord from NYC is trying to jack up the rent! Businesses have long-term leases, and he doesn’t seem to care. Oh, well, Mr. Landlord, you fight Clark County law and Clark County will win. No threats from the underworld, or Jesus for that matter, just lay off the tenants!
Tommy Ricardo and his son have taken over The Boulevard Theater on Las Vegas Boulevard and have renamed it The TW Theatre. It will be home to Tommy Wind, have an ultra-lounge/club and host special events and concerts. Tommy, the young blond magician from Staten Island, is oh-so handsome! Speaking of handsome: Reminder Jay-Z and Beyonce will be in Vegas this December.
Chem trails, conspiracy theories, shootings, muggings at Big Mac… no wonder planet earth is known as the insane asylum of the Universe. Christmas is near, time to buy a new Harley, spa package at Madame Et Monsieur, rent a jet plane from Vegas Express Jets, fly high in the sky with Las Vegas Balloon Rides, or just stocking shop at a cool thrift store. For goodness sake, remember to turn your f*cking blinker on when turning, and don’t text while driving. Also, if you think nobody cares about you, try missing a couple of mortgage payments. My favorite quote: “Some days you are the dog and some days you are the tree.”
Questions from our readers to Auntie Sharron!
Dear Auntie Sharron,
Help, I want to win the million-dollar lottery, so I can get a new face and body. I’m smart, funny, independent, own my home, car, educated, and 35 years old. I weigh 135, 5’ 8”, blonde, but Ugly. Help!
What is wrong with you, honey? What you’re looking for cannot be taken care of by winning the lottery. Send me your photo and I will find you a man that loves women for who they are on the inside. Remember the song: “If you wanna be happy for the rest of your life – Never make a pretty woman your wife. So from my personal point of view – Get an ugly girl to marry you.” You are in demand! Oi-vey!
Dear Auntie Sharron,
I went to the car mechanic and he charged me $700 for a tune-up and oil change, who do I report this ripoff to? ~Miss Lexus
I pity the mechanic that did that to you. I will personally go to the Better Business Bureau for you and report them for you. Send me the receipt, business name and phone number.