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Cathy Zukimoto - The Interview

CATHY ZUKIMOTO - Asian Smart-Ass
The Interview

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By Diane Kawasaki
Photography by Santodonato
Makeup and Hair by Christine' Copeland

 

 

Cathy Zukimoto is a hilarious stand-up comedian who performs to sold-out crowds all over Los Angeles.  As a “freshly single” woman with a statuesque physique and a gorgeous girl-next-door smile, she captivates her audience, while delivering edgy comedy and explosive laughter.  On stage, she is uninhibited, raw, and looks as if she had just stepped off of a Sunset Boulevard billboard.  Today however, she is very casual, wearing a “Believe us… size does matter” fitted tee, oversized sunglasses and jeans.  We chatted in the ambiance of Aroma Café

DK:  What brought you to stand-up comedy in the first place?

CATHY:  I was drawn to comedy because my insurance ran out and I needed therapy.  Kidding.  Although, I did have a tough time when I was younger.  Not my parents, they’re great!  I dealt with racism at an early age – teased for being Asian.  Then as girls were developing, and I clearly wasn’t, things changed.  Now the teasing was about being tall, skinny, and flat-chested.  I was called ugly a lot, and even got dog biscuits thrown at me.  In high school, I was never asked out on a single date or dance.  Not even prom.  I guess being in band didn’t help…  I diffused the taunting by making people laugh.  I guess it made it a little harder for the kids to tease me when they were cracking up???  I never thought I would ever be making people laugh on stage, because I’m

SUPER shy…

DK:  Wait a minute, stop right there.  You tell blowjob jokes in front of a room full of strangers.  You’re shy!?!

CATHY:  YES, I’m actually really shy.  I never thought I could perform, because I had terrible stage fright.  I also had this handshaking issue that I thought would never go away.

DK:  You definitely don’t look shy on stage, but I’ll take your word for it.

CATHY:  (laughs) I don’t think you believe me!

DK:  Hard to believe, because I know you do nude shoots.

CATHY:  One of my nude shots I did with Chad Michael Ward for a Metallica-themed art show just sold for 1K!  And I have a bondage shot in a photo book by Justice Howard!   

DK:  But you’re supposedly shy….

CATHY:  Okay, okay—admittedly, doing stand-up has helped me come out of my shell.

DK:  Were you always interested in stand-up?

CATHY:  When I was a little kid, my Mom used to call me ummaku, which I found out years later is basically Okinawan for “smart ass”.  So I guess you could say I have always enjoyed being a goofball.  I had always wanted to give stand-up a try.  So I wrote some jokes and I read them to my husband and he said, “I think you should stick to filmmaking,” so I dropped it.  Years later, I met Bobbie Oliver at a comedy show and told her I loved stand-up, but could never imagine doing it.  She told me about her comedy classes and encouraged me to give it a try.  I was going through a divorce at the time, so he wasn’t around to tell me not to… so I was like, “Fuck it, why not?”  I loved the class, but didn’t realize there was a showcase at the end…  My first show was sold out and I was terrified!!  There were a couple of producers in the audience who approached me for more shows.  I hadn’t planned to do more, but why turn down these opportunities just because I’m scared?  So I went with it, and I am so grateful for every request I get from these amazing people in my life.  I am very blessed.

DK:  Getting kind of spiritual here…

CATHY:  Sorry, should I talk about my BJ jokes?

DK:  Speaking of that, let’s ask what the guys want to know.  When it comes to dating, what are you looking for?

CATHY:  First of all, I have always said:  “Love is a gift.  The wrapping shouldn’t matter.”  I’m not bi, but I wouldn’t want to miss the potential of meeting the love of my life just because she happens to be a girl.  To be clear, I love cock and I’m not seeking a female relationship, but hey, I wouldn’t rule it out, either.

DK:  I swear I learn more about you every time we hang out.  From your Cougar jokes, it seems you date young models?

CATHY: (laughs) OK, first of all, who says no to a model??  This whole cougar phenomenon has been really working in my favor.  Most male models have mommy issues – I am totally willing to help them out with those.  I’ve also dated comics and realized that dating a comic equals being a fulltime baggage handler.

DK:  Are you actually “routining” me right now?  Your own friend?

CATHY:  Busted!  Yes, I’m sorry.  OK, I don’t have a specific type.  I’ve dated people of all ages and all different body types.  I will admit I’m a HUGE Duran Duran fan, so English men have a fast pass to the V…  I mean, my heart.  I’m very attracted to creative types—photographers, writers, actors, singers, painters, etc.  I also love nerdy guys, because I’m a huge Sci-Fi fan.

DK:  You’re into Sci-Fi?

CATHY:  I go to the conventions!  I’m a huge frickin’ fan of Battle Star Galactica, Firefly, Star Wars, and I love all comic-related movies!  I wore a Captain America T-Shirt when I saw Captain America, on a first date!  I guess I’m kind of a dork?

DK:  Kind of?  (sigh)  What would you describe as a perfect date?

CATHY:  I enjoy any event that supports local artists.  I’d end the night at a quiet bar, because I hate places where you can’t hear the person sitting next to you.  As a blanket release, I say to anyone dating a comic: be prepared to become a part of their routine.  

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