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SPORTS - Thursday Night Football - Boner of a Ballgame

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BONER OF A BALLGAME
By Jeff Alexander

Nike, probably the most ubiquitous sports sponsor in the world, pulled a boner when it provided the uniforms for the Thursday Night Football extravaganza between the Buffalo Bills and the New York Jets.  

First of all, the Bills have been perennially a boring team for years. Maybe something ridiculous injected into any game that included the Bills was a laudable idea, but Nike’s idea didn’t quite make the grade. Secondly, the only people who care about the Jets are all in the New York City area. Of course, sponsors love New York teams, since they get millions and millions of viewers. Hell, there must be 20 million in N.Y. by now; at least it seems that way every four years during presidential elections, when L.A. and N.Y. skew the numbers toward the democrat party with unthinking consistency. Those cities would vote democrat even if the party ticket was Winnie the Pooh and ass Roo!

The Jets were uniformed in all green—and I mean all. Even their jock straps were green! The Bills were all in bright red, and kinda looked like lobsters after you pull them from a pot of boiling water. The Jets looked like a vegetarian’s wet dream—green and tasteless.  

If you were faded, your TV screen must have looked like a bad psychedelic episode. Some red-green colorblind men complained that, to them, all 22 players on the field looked the same. But since only 8 percent of men are colorblind (13 million in the U.S.) and only a few of them watched the game, Nike didn’t really care. And since only one-half percent of women are colorblind—no one even thought about them. On a Thursday night, they should have a lot better things to do than watch a Jets-Bills game anyway.

The uniforms were a running joke on social media, with fans scratching their heads, poking fun and comparing the teams to the Red and Green Power Rangers. 

Nike claims it will experiment with what it calls its “Color Rush Line” three more times during Thursday Night Football games; maybe all blue (call it “boys night”) all pink (“girls night”) all black (“sin night”) all yellow (“beer night”) all purple (“fight night”)? Stupid right? Yeah maybe, but Nike is a multi-billion dollar company—stupid doesn’t get you there any more than stupid got Donald Trump 10 billion dollars. They know what they’re doing. Ratings will skyrocket!  

Aren’t you, for sure, gonna watch Thursday Night Football—so you can find out what the colors of the night are gonna be? Boy, I sure am!

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