By Jack Wellington
S I Z E Matter?
That is the question of the century – and Patrick Moote is on a search to find out – in the very first “cockumentary” ever on film, in Breaking Glass Pictures
It all started from one romantic marriage proposal perfectly timed at a UCLA basketball game – on the jumbotron, in front of millions of viewers, across the world – Patrick Moote got down on his knee and proposed to his girlfriend, only to be rejected and the cameras caught it all – which unfortunately for Moote, the video went viral and hit television networks worldwide. As if that wasn’t bad enough, days after the heart-wrenching rejection, Moote’s girlfriend privately explained the reason why she just couldn’t marry him: because his penis was small. Lost, humiliated and determined to find an answer to his question: “Does size really matter?” Moote boldly confronts past girlfriends, family members, doctors, porn stars, and even complete strangers on the street – only to expose the possibility that his penis is indeed a tad below average size – and whether it truly matters. Director Brian Spitz and Patrick Moote, best buddies, were both out of jobs, when Moote, actor/comedian, found out the reason why his heartbreaking proposal fell flacid, and the two friends realized this was a story that needed further investigation. Journeying through the myths and facts of sex, size and misconceptions, Moote and the audience both are in hopes that his penis can miraculously grow in size, while some of us may surprisingly be informed about the unique differences and similarities in our sexual organs and desires that we share. Exposed and emotionally naked during his brave excursion for truth, Moote travels across the world for answers and hope to become a better lover – from witch doctors in New Guinea to the land of the smallest penises – Korea. He even attempts to gain inner spiritual strength, length and prowess through the ancient Asian practice of penis weight-lifting. You heard right – using your penis to bench some serious poundage – also known as “iron crotch”, a form of Qigong, a Chinese martial art/health therapy of lifting weights with your wanger.
We were able to get a pre-release copy from Breaking Glass Pictures, for an early viewing, before its Dec. 10th DVD release date perfectly timed for the holidays. And our preconceived notions of this film being more of a comedy were quickly brought to a halt (just saying “cockumentary” – does make you want to laugh). Rather, as the viewer, our hearts go out to Moote. We are rooting for this undersized underdog, feeling compassionate for Moote and, at moments, clenching our hands tight to our armrests, concerned and apprehensive that our Unhung Hero might not ever clearly see his own inner magnificence. Men and women of all ages will appreciate and enjoy this movie. There are brief moments of humor, but overall, this journey answers some of the more serious questions that both men and women alike have pondered.