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LET THEM WATCH PORN

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LET THEM WATCH PORN

BY LAINIE SPEISER

When I got serious with David, he took me and his sister Lila, who was visiting New York City, to dinner, and he told her that I worked in the adult industry. She was cool about it, but said, “I hope you’re not offended, but I hate pornography,” Lila said. “Not at all, Lila, it’s not for everyone,” I replied. “It’s just that my boyfriend Nate, he had sort of an addiction to porn and it became a problem in our relationship,” she explained. I nodded and said, “I’ve heard that can happen. But it sounds like things are alright between you two, yes?” She nodded and said yes, Nate kicked his porno habit, thankfully. “The video store in our neighborhood went out of business.”

Although women have been warming up to porn in recent years and there are plenty who enjoy watching it themselves, let’s face it: women don’t like their men watching porn. They feel threatened by porn, they are jealous of the women in the movies, they think it’s degrading to women, or they believe that it desensitizes men to real intimacy. And it’s not just women who feel this way. I know there are men who don’t appreciate the fact that their woman or man are jacking it to someone else too; it makes them feel inadequate and some men don’t like the idea that their lady may be a pervert, as if watching porn means that you’re a pervert (it doesn’t). But I say, let them watch porn. It’s here to stay and you can’t fight it. If he’s not watching it on the computer, he’s looking at it on the phone. Why make anyone lie about one of the simple pleasures in life?

People who have read my books criticize that I see things differently because I work in the industry, but that’s not so because outside of work, I don’t watch porn. That’s right; I don’t watch porn, I tell people I’m like a sober drug dealer and those are the most successful drug dealers in the world. Maybe I’d watch it if I wasn’t in the industry and I didn’t know the people who are in those movies, but I am, and it makes me feel icky to see someone I’ve had dinner with get gangbanged. Porn doesn’t gross me out, but it’s like watching people eating for me, and it makes me think, why do I want to watch someone else eat when I can go out to lunch right now? The porn movies I have enjoyed watching in my personal time are some of the porn parodies, I thought James Deen did a stellar job as Jerry Seinfeld in the Seinfeld XXX porn parody, and Evan Stone does a kickass job as our president in The Donald XXX. My friend James Bartholet has made an entire career in porn parodies since he was a mainstream sitcom actor before acting in the adult industry and I loved him as The Cowardly Lion in Not the Wizard of Oz. Those movies are hilarious, and I fast forward through the sex to watch the comedy, yes, it’s true, many, many porn stars are great comedic actors.

I once caught a boyfriend of mine watching porn. I didn’t catch him watching it, but I found the evidence. He must have squeezed in wank before work because when I got home from my job, I went to my office to find balled up stiff tissues on the keyboard and a bottle of lube. But that’s not why I got offended. I looked at the computer history and saw he was looking at a website called chubbyland.com, and he told me when he missed me he watched porn that reminded him of me. But instead of giving him shit about it, I made fun of it and would make a royal horn noise and go, “To-Do-To-Do-To-Doooo! Welcome to Chubbyland! Dive right in; we’ll cushion your fall!” It embarrassed him to no end which I enjoyed.

Since then I’ve enjoyed asking the men I’m with what kind of porn they like to watch, it titillates me to picture them surfing the web with their dicks out. When a girlfriend of mine got upset because she caught her husband in the act, and I told her it wasn’t a big deal, in fact, if it were me, I’d finish him off, crawl under the desk and give him a hummer while he was watching, this way I wouldn’t have to watch and recognize people. But most men don’t want a real woman there while they watch porn. You should think of this as a man’s “Me Time,” it’s how they like to relax and escape reality. There are a lot of things I prefer doing alone like binge watch episodes of The Office, it’s my guilty pleasure, and most guilty pleasure are solitary ones.

If your partner doesn’t want you watching porn, it’s usually because you haven’t been having sex as much as she’d like to or in some cases, you aren’t having sex at all. This I can certainly understand, anyone should know. It’s hurtful if you’re not getting any because your partner says he or she too stressed or depressed to have sex, and then you find out they aren’t THAT upset if they’re beating off to porn. When you have a good sex life that’s consistent, you don’t feel insecure about a silly thing like porn; there’s no threat. You know you’re sexy and desirable too, and he’s probably going to pick up some great ideas to spice things up. You always know when a man makes a “porn move” aka doing something to you that they obviously saw in an adult movie. The increase in anal sex, I totally attribute to porn. Men wanting you to look at them when you’ve got their dick in your mouth, that’s a total porn move. The Backwards Cowgirl position, thanks a lot, porn, now all the big butt ladies (like me) are requested to do a hardcore workout while trying to get off. But okay it did strengthen my core, and it’s still more fun than going to the gym. Porn is sports sex, always remember that more than anything, the people you see on film are professionals who know what they are doing and won’t get hurt or hurt someone else. As porn star, Nikki Benz once said in an interview, “If I fucked a civilian the way I fuck on the set I’d break his dick off.”

So, ladies and gentlemen, enjoy your entertainment but remember nothing beats the real thing, keep your partner and yourself feeling wanted, desired and satisfied. Most of the things people watch in porn, they don’t want to do in real life because it would require more work than either one of you are willing to put in. I know because my own man loves to watch anal (sometimes in barely legal form and sometimes in MILF form) but when I was temporarily out of commission in the front and requested he come in through the backdoor, David was horrified and said. “No! You’re my Lainie! I don’t want to do that nasty stuff to you; I just enjoy watching it!” Case closed.

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